Grammar.

     Now, I must preface this post with the statement that I do not think my grammar is perfect.  I think it's pretty good, but I fully acknowledge that there may be grammatical errors in any one of my posts, including this one.

     To me, grammar matters. I addressed this topic once before, in a roundabout way, in this post, but today I'd like to deal with it head-on. The primary motivator for this post was a Twitter suggestion from my friend Jessica in Muskoka (from hereafter known as Jeskoka). Sometimes I can't decide what to write about, and I tweet and wait for suggestions, and they usually only come after I've already thought up an idea - such was the case with this one. Actually, travel was Mamacita's idea, to give credit where it is due. So Jeskoka, here's your grammar post.

     Both Jeskoka and I teach English. This might be one of the reasons we are snobs about grammar. Our parents are definitely also contributing factors to our appreciation for flawless grammar. Jeskoka's mom has a lovely little used book shop and loves to read and really appreciates beautiful language. She also does not hesitate to speak her mind, and will freely correct anyone should they fail to use correct grammar in her presence. She instilled all of these qualities in her daughter. I get hit on both sides by the grammar stick. My Mom has editing credentials, and my Dad used to use a red pen to correct errors on notices sent home by my school and then I would have to return them to school with his corrections. A bit horrifying at the time, but terrifically cool to me now.

     It has long been a dream of mine to get a cape and a convertible and spend my summers driving around, helpfully correcting any grammatical and spelling errors I see on signs by drawing said errors to the attention of the establishments' owners. I know it would probably get me a punch in the face, many confused expressions and at least a few mutterings of "self-righteous bitch", but I think it would be really fun. I would focus my search in the SE United States, because I have a feeling it would be a minefield of goodness. And the convertible would have to be red. I don't care so much what colour the cape is.

     As a teacher, I have seen many, many amusing student grammar gaffes. Some of them have come from ESL students, but although sometimes I can't help it, I really try not to make fun of Engrish. Who am I to laugh at another person's speaking of my language, when I am a total toolshed when it comes to speaking anything but English? The ones I think are the funniest are from kids who should know better. (And let's face it, some of them are typos, and I sometimes make those myself, but I like it when those typos create new meaning. The best one I've seen so far was an essay with the title "Lord of the Files". For some reason it had me imagining a 'Riverdance' style lord of the dance skipping through an office, balancing files on his head. That would have been better than the 384th Lord of the Flies essay, which is what it turned out to be.)

     You may recall from this post that Earl and I met online. When I was reading the posts on that site (before I met Earl and fell madly in love), I really judged men for their incorrect use of grammar. People who don't care about grammar are offensive to me. How can you not care? You don't need to be grammatically perfect, you just need to want to be. I've developed crushes on authors I've never met or seen in photos, based on their brilliant use of, and manipulation of, the rules of grammar.

     I take quite a bit of pride in my proper use of grammar. I'm one of those geeks who uses punctuation and full and correct spelling in text messages and tweets. A full keyboard was a necessity on my last cell phone after trying to use one without. It's frustrating to always be looking for the semi-colon, ya know?


     And speaking of semi-colons, they are one of the best tools to helping me identify plagiarism in student writing. About 4% of grade 11s and 16% of grade 12s (statistics have been pulled out of my armpit - please don't cite this in any scientific paper) know how to use a semi-colon properly. When I see one appropriately used in an essay, I immediately become suspicious. Semi-colons are my grammar police sidekicks.


     So Jeskoka, I hope you've enjoyed this. I know grammar can be a contentious issue, but Jeskoka can be pretty contentious herself sometimes. I haven't gone into many specific examples in this post, but if you have a favourite grammar gaffe, please share it in the comments. Maybe I'll learn something new!