Gratitude

     Well, I obviously did not return as soon as I'd thought. I'm such a liar. I assumed once my course was done that I'd get right back to blogging, but then the weather got nice and then Earl and I went on a trip to Montreal, and then, and then... I'm really good at excuses. Just ask Earl. Or my Mom. But Mamacita (my preggers baby sister, for those who might not remember) has been harassing me to get back on the blogging horse (I think she's looking for something to read at work), and since she's good enough to care, and is my most loyal reader, and is 32 weeks pregnant in this heat, I'm doing it for her. And for me.


     But all of this aside, I have wanted to return to the blog for a while, and I've had some inspiring moments and ideas. Two weeks ago I was going to write about our Montreal adventure. Last week I was going to write about how I felt about Jim Flaherty and his ideas regarding unemployment. But this week I want to write about something that was inspired by a conversation with my Mom (who is one of my heroes). 


     I have been feeling somewhat down. Money, unemployment, the state of the world, blah, blah, blah. When I feel sad, I call my Mom. She listens, offers suggestions, and reminds me to think about all of the things in my life for which I am grateful. So today I want to think about, and share, some of those things with you.


     I am grateful for my family. I know I have their support and love, no matter what, and there's an awful lot to be said for that. I know I'm so lucky in this regard, and I'm so thankful. Not only do I have a wonderful, supportive set of parents and caring sisters (both of whom have chosen great men as their husbands), but I have two glorious nieces who make me laugh and see things through different eyes, and one more on the way - a promise for the future. And adding to this crazy bunch of blood relations are Earl's sister, brother-in-law and their impending boy-twins, who I can't wait to meet! I'm grateful for families and the excitement that the two pregnancies are bringing to my life.

Crazy Turkey.

     I am grateful for kitties. Especially my kitties, Monkey and Turkey. They are both amazing, but Turkey and I share an extra-special bond (as do Earl and Monkey). Turkey is fat. He yells at you when he's hungry or wants love. He sleeps a lot and when he's awake, he's usually Turkeying around (chasing things we can't see, running from windowsill to windowsill, trying to pick fights with Monkey, looking around for floor snacks,and climbing places he shouldn't). But when I am sad and he lets me snuggle him and breathe in his kitty smell, I am so grateful for his unconditional love.

Curve Lake luna moth.

     I am grateful for nature. Despite things like mosquitoes, cold weather, and grubs, it's amazing how much joy nature can bring. Swimming in a lake (or Georgian Bay!), watching the trees come into bloom, looking for hidden lily of the valley flowers, smelling lilacs, listening to water flow, seeing the sun rise... these things bring peace in a way nothing else can. It's comforting and awe-inspiring at the same time. Recently I was in Curve Lake, and noticed something weird on a store window. When I got closer, I saw it was a huge moth. I'd never seen anything like it, and although I had to get moving to get to an appointment, I just stared at it for what seemed like a very long time. It was so beautiful and unusual. Nature, you amaze me every day.

Whimzy's garden.

     I am grateful for Earl. Sometimes he frustrates me, or makes me sad, but if I didn't love him so much, I wouldn't care. He is an artist, a genius, a recluse, a chef, a religious figure, a gardener, an animal-whisperer, a magician, a mystic, a teller of truth and a foreteller of the future, a lover of music, a fiery mind, an anxious little bunny, and a strong, strong man. This week he has been hard at work transforming our postage-stamp yard into a beautiful secret garden. Blooms and greenery abound, in the most unusual places. We now have a tomato plant (with five - and counting - baby tomatoes!), an herb garden, a beautiful patch of annuals and perennials, baby morning glories getting ready to start their climb up the back fence, bowls of flowers in the rock garden, and a carefully-tended lawn. Sitting in our yard after dark, with candles and incense burning, is like falling into a deep, warm hug - especially knowing Earl has done all of this work himself. And did I mention that I'm grateful for Earl's hugs? He gives great ones. I love me my Earl, and I am grateful for him always.


     So that's my post for today. For what are you grateful?

Yay!

Good news, my blog-reading friends. My online course is now complete, and I will resume regularly-scheduled blogging this week. 
Thanks for your patience!
-Whimzy

Today.

A year ago today was one of the worst days of my life. It was the day on which I was informed that my teaching contract at the school at which I had been working for three years was not being renewed.


That's all for today.

Friends.

     Why, hello! It has been a while, hasn't it?


     The last time I posted it was early February. There was snow on the ground, I was just starting my online course, and my sister was newly pregnant with an unsexed baby the size of an avocado. Now we are into full-blown spring, my course is almost over, I still haven't found gainful employment for the upcoming school year, my parents have been to Cambodia and back, and Mamacita's foetus is now known to be a girl the size of a large mango. (I'm fascinated by the app she's using that describes her unborn baby's size in relation to produce - last week babe was a spaghetti squash.) On top of this we've learned another very close friend is having twins due two months after my new niece is scheduled to appear. Those babies are lemons this week. Last week they were peaches. The expectant mamas use the same app. And what is new with you?

      I've decided to write about friends today. I've been thinking about friends a lot lately. I think in part because as the weather gets nicer I get more interested in leaving my hibernation hole, and am looking for friends with whom to spend time. It's hard to make friends as you get older - I've talked to a number of people recently about this topic. I've had some success making friends through Twitter, and this is why I call it my sandbox for grownups. You know how, as a kid, you walk up to another kid in the sandbox and either formally invite them to play with you by saying "hey, wanna play?" or even more organically, you just sit down with that child, figure out what he/she is playing, and just join in? That doesn't work so well as an adult. But I have invited a few women out for coffee after chatting on Twitter. In one case she then invited me to join her on an adventure and I stood her up and we haven't spoken since (which I feel very badly about, but because I know I was in the wrong, and am emotionally 12, I haven't been able to apologize. I know if she reads this here she'll know what I'm talking about and at least know how badly I feel about what I did to her). In the other case we have moved from coffee at a downtown shop to the more comfortable venue of our own homes, and I really value and enjoy the conversations I have with her.

Robert Smith - in case you are
not a child of the 80s
and the allusion meant
nothing to you.

     I've also been thinking about old friends. I'm not on Facebook, mostly because there aren't too many people from my past I want to reconnect with, but through Linkedin I've "been found" by two old friends in the last month or so. The first was my BESTEST friend in the whole world in high school. We grew apart as our lives followed different paths, but yesterday I went to Toronto to re-meet her after 20+ years and it was amazing. We hugged, and then just stood and looked at each other. It's quite something to see someone at 40 you last knew at 18 - so much the same, but enough different that it fries one's brain a bit. She's gained weight, but so have I. I have a lot more grey hair than she does. Neither of us wear our make-up Robert Smith style anymore (in fact, neither of us wear make-up!). Neither of us have had children. We have both found great men with whom to to settle down, and we both have cats. We spent the day wandering through our favourite old haunts (Queen W, Kensington Market, Yonge St) with our mouths running a mile a minute. When she had to catch her bus home to Guelph I was sad, but know that I'll see her again.

     The other Linkedin connection was a girl I befriended when she was the girlfriend of another friend of mine while I was at college. We stayed friends after they broke up, but somehow I lost track of her as well. (I'm realizing my memory is horrible. I blame being 40. I like to blame that for most of my failings, but mostly because it's funny, and socially acceptable, not because I think being 40 is bad.) Strangely, this girl contacted me the night before my other friend and I were scheduled to meet. This girl has moved to California since I knew her, so doubt we'll be meeting up any time soon, but I can't wait to find out what she's been up to in the last 15 years or so. I wonder if she still taps her cigarette in that awkward way, and laughs easily like she used to? I hope she's happier than she was when we were last friends. I'll find out when she emails me back!

This is Tiffy. Can you see why
I love her? She's so fun.

     I've also been thinking about three other friends - Jeskoka, a former co-worker and friend who I paid tribute to in my Grammar post, and miss very much despite the fact that we talk semi-regularly; Annie, who was my best friend in elementary school and with whom I've stayed in touch since on and off; and Tiffy, who was my best university friend and who holds the title of best friend to this day, despite the fact that she lives on the other side of this really big country and also despite the fact that I don't call her as much as I should. (I know, I know...). I want to call all three of them today. I probably won't, because I'm a horrible procrastinator and don't really like talking on the phone very much, but I feel like I'm closer to committing to doing it by blogging about it. Maybe they'll read this and know I'm thinking about them.


     I'm really proud of myself for blogging today. Earl and Mamacita (who I would also call friends, although I'm more likely to call Earl partner or husband (of the unofficial variety) and Mamacita is little sis) have been "bugging" me (in a loving way) to get back on my blog horse, so now I've done it. I now need to get back to my online course because a new module starts today (SIDE NOTE - every time I write or think the word 'module' I think 'nodule' and that's such a gross word.) and I haven't put my procrastination pants on yet, so might as well get at 'er. Hopefully I've got you thinking about your friends today. Call them. Right now.

Update.

     Hi blogosphere! I'm feeling more than a little guilty that I haven't been posting regularly enough, so I wanted to touch base.

     I recognize that with only six followers, it's not like I'm letting down legions of fans, but I know I have some loyal readers (Hi Mamacita!). As I forecast in my post on school, my online course is taking up a lot of my time, and asking me to do a lot of writing. The reason I started this blog was to get me writing on a regular basis, and to give me something to do - I am able to meet both of these needs at this time through my course. I do intend to keep blogging (it's a bit addictive!), but can't speculate with what regularity until I complete the course in early April. So please check back every so often, and when I do post I'll announce it on Twitter and/or via text message for those of you who do read regularly. In the meantime, I'm happy to accept anyone's suggestions for content (as my mind is full of exceptional children and special education these days - not of great interest to a general audience).

If anyone is looking for great blog reading in the meantime, check out some of my favourites: Thought Catalog and Go Go Gadget Zen.

See you back here soon!

Grammar.

     Now, I must preface this post with the statement that I do not think my grammar is perfect.  I think it's pretty good, but I fully acknowledge that there may be grammatical errors in any one of my posts, including this one.

     To me, grammar matters. I addressed this topic once before, in a roundabout way, in this post, but today I'd like to deal with it head-on. The primary motivator for this post was a Twitter suggestion from my friend Jessica in Muskoka (from hereafter known as Jeskoka). Sometimes I can't decide what to write about, and I tweet and wait for suggestions, and they usually only come after I've already thought up an idea - such was the case with this one. Actually, travel was Mamacita's idea, to give credit where it is due. So Jeskoka, here's your grammar post.

     Both Jeskoka and I teach English. This might be one of the reasons we are snobs about grammar. Our parents are definitely also contributing factors to our appreciation for flawless grammar. Jeskoka's mom has a lovely little used book shop and loves to read and really appreciates beautiful language. She also does not hesitate to speak her mind, and will freely correct anyone should they fail to use correct grammar in her presence. She instilled all of these qualities in her daughter. I get hit on both sides by the grammar stick. My Mom has editing credentials, and my Dad used to use a red pen to correct errors on notices sent home by my school and then I would have to return them to school with his corrections. A bit horrifying at the time, but terrifically cool to me now.

     It has long been a dream of mine to get a cape and a convertible and spend my summers driving around, helpfully correcting any grammatical and spelling errors I see on signs by drawing said errors to the attention of the establishments' owners. I know it would probably get me a punch in the face, many confused expressions and at least a few mutterings of "self-righteous bitch", but I think it would be really fun. I would focus my search in the SE United States, because I have a feeling it would be a minefield of goodness. And the convertible would have to be red. I don't care so much what colour the cape is.

     As a teacher, I have seen many, many amusing student grammar gaffes. Some of them have come from ESL students, but although sometimes I can't help it, I really try not to make fun of Engrish. Who am I to laugh at another person's speaking of my language, when I am a total toolshed when it comes to speaking anything but English? The ones I think are the funniest are from kids who should know better. (And let's face it, some of them are typos, and I sometimes make those myself, but I like it when those typos create new meaning. The best one I've seen so far was an essay with the title "Lord of the Files". For some reason it had me imagining a 'Riverdance' style lord of the dance skipping through an office, balancing files on his head. That would have been better than the 384th Lord of the Flies essay, which is what it turned out to be.)

     You may recall from this post that Earl and I met online. When I was reading the posts on that site (before I met Earl and fell madly in love), I really judged men for their incorrect use of grammar. People who don't care about grammar are offensive to me. How can you not care? You don't need to be grammatically perfect, you just need to want to be. I've developed crushes on authors I've never met or seen in photos, based on their brilliant use of, and manipulation of, the rules of grammar.

     I take quite a bit of pride in my proper use of grammar. I'm one of those geeks who uses punctuation and full and correct spelling in text messages and tweets. A full keyboard was a necessity on my last cell phone after trying to use one without. It's frustrating to always be looking for the semi-colon, ya know?


     And speaking of semi-colons, they are one of the best tools to helping me identify plagiarism in student writing. About 4% of grade 11s and 16% of grade 12s (statistics have been pulled out of my armpit - please don't cite this in any scientific paper) know how to use a semi-colon properly. When I see one appropriately used in an essay, I immediately become suspicious. Semi-colons are my grammar police sidekicks.


     So Jeskoka, I hope you've enjoyed this. I know grammar can be a contentious issue, but Jeskoka can be pretty contentious herself sometimes. I haven't gone into many specific examples in this post, but if you have a favourite grammar gaffe, please share it in the comments. Maybe I'll learn something new!

Me.

     Remember when the internet was young (or maybe it was just me) and there were all kinds of "chain emails" going around?  One of my favourites (and generally the only one I'd ever forward) was the one that asked a lot of questions about the person - a 'get to know me' type of email.  I also love filling out forms, so maybe this quality appealed to me, but I'm always so curious about people, and assume maybe someone is curious about me (am I flattering myself?).  For the purpose of today's blog, I thought I'd go back in time and fill out one of those old surveys in case any of you are dying to know about my underwear.

1. What is your best friend’s name? My best girlfriend is named Tiffany.  She is a Montessori principal in Vancouver.  My best overall friend is Earl.  He is my cohabitational living partner, and is an artist in the city of Peterborough.

          

2. What color underwear/boxers are you wearing now?  I am wearing purple underpants with turquoise trim with a silver robot on the front.

What I wish I was listening to right now.

3. What are you listening to right now? Nothing, as Earl is sleeping at the moment.  When he wakes up I'll put on Side 2 of the new Leonard Cohen album I was listening to last night.

    

4. What’s your favorite number?  3.  I have no reason for this.  

 

5. What was the last thing you ate?  I'm sitting here hungry, thinking I should have breakfast, but as of this moment the last thing I ate was a handful or two of homemade peanut butter and chocolate chip cookies before bed last night.

            

6. If you were a crayon what color would you be?  This is a stupid question.  I refuse to answer.  

          

7. How is the weather right now? Sunny, cold (but not usual February cold, just cold compared to the last few days), dusting of snow last night but most of the lawn is green.  Crazy winter.

  

I would not date this man.

8. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone? Last night I used the phone as an intercom to tell Earl that dinner was ready.  Last actual phone call was night before last with my old friend from high school - 20 years' worth of catch-up in an hour!

          

9. The first thing you notice about the opposite sex?  Clothing.  I'm really shallow and easily put off by bad shoes or anything Nascar-related.

    

10. Do you have a significant other?  Yes.  His name is Earl and we've been together since August '08.  (See Q1)    

     

11. Favorite TV show?  I'm one of those "I don't really watch TV" people, but not because I'm too good for it.  Because I can't afford cable.  We DO get the local Peterborough channel, and enjoy (if that's a euphemism for 'relentlessly make fun of and laugh at in an ironic way') watching Reba while we eat dinner.  I also have a passion for reality TV, especially The Amazing Race, Top Chef, Celebrity Apprentice and Survivor.  Quit judging me.

         

Baby Avacado?

12. Siblings?  Yes - two amazing sisters.  I haven't always liked them, but I will always, always love them.  Sis is 37 and Mamacita is 28.  They both live in the waterfront middle-Ontario town in which I grew up.  Sis is a physiotherapist, is married to Mark, and has two awesome little girls - TT (age 6 1/2) and C (age 4 1/2).  Mamacita works in social work, is married to OPPete, and is preggo with her first little one, who she calls Avacado.

13. Height?  Really freakin' tall.  About 5ft 11, but people prefer to hear me say 6 feet.  And yes, I do wear heels.  Not often, but when they are called for.

    

14. Hair color?  When I was born it was light brown.  Through my teens and twenties it was aften red, reddish-brown, burgundy, black, blonde, purple, pink...  Now it is grey on top because I've recently stopped dying it.

          

15. Eye Color?  Brown.

          

16. Do you wear contacts? Nope.  I'm a proud glasses-wearer and I've never felt the need for contacts.  (People who wear them whine about them so often that I've never wanted them.)

17. Favorite Holiday?  Halloween.  Although it's never as much fun as I think it's going to be.

          

18. Month?  July.  It's warm and there are no expensive gift-giving occasions (until Avacado is born, anyway!)

19. Have you ever cried for no reason? I cry for no reason about once a day.  Especially when I'm tired.

I used to think this movie
was so cool.  I knew all the
words to the soundtrack.

    

20. What was the last movie you watched?  I re-watched most of Singles the other day.  I think the last movie I saw in the theatre was Up.  I don't get out much.

         

21. Favorite day of the year?  My birthday, probably.  Except that really it isn't because the weather always sucks, and people are busy thinking about Christmas.  When I'm employed my favourite day is the day after the final report cards are finished and school is over for another year.

          

22. Are you too shy to ask someone out?  Well, I asked Earl if he wanted to go to the Market with me this morning, does that count?  I am actually pretty shy.  Earl and I met online, and I didn't even message him - I just 'favourited' him in the hopes that he'd message me - and he did!  The rest is history.

23. Can you do a headstand (not using the wall)? Umm, no?  I used to be able to, but probably can't anymore. 

         

24. Hugs or Kisses?  Depends who's giving them.  If it's Monkey or Turkey, kisses.  Almost everyone else - hugs.  If it's Earl - both.

Yummy!

25. Chocolate or Vanilla?  Oh so chocolate.  Except I like vanilla cake better than chocolate cake, as long as it has chocolate icing.

           

26. What books are you reading?  Currently I'm reading Andrew Pyper's The Guardians, and Michael Connelly's The Last Coyote.  I have a huge pile of good books I keep meaning to read, but get sidetracked by $1 detective/mystery novels from Vinnie's.

   

27. Piercings?  I'm down to two in one ear and one in the other.  Used to have four in one ear and one in my nose, with my bottom ear holes in stretchers.  Guess I'm growing up.

          

28. Favorite movies?  Depends on the mood.  I actually prefer TV shows - my attention span is short.  I LURVE documentaries, especially if David Attenborough is narrating.

LOVE the Farmers' Market! Today I
bought cheese curds, potatos, a date
square and some Indian food goodies.           

29. What were you doing before this?  I've been doing this on and off all morning.  Before I started I was sleeping.  I also took a break to visit the Farmers' Market and run some errands (somewhere between Q15 and 16).

       

30. Butter, Plain or Salted popcorn?  Real popcorn with loads of butter and salt.  Microwave popcorn doesn't count because it smells like dirty socks.

         

31. Dogs or cats? CATS!!!!!  There are only a few dogs I like - my nephew-dog Colby (golden retriever) comes first, followed by my cousin-dog Finn (also a golden) and my sister-in-law's dog Pepper (a mini-dashund) and then my neighbour-dog Licky (also a mini-dashund).  I also like the dog at the house where I tutor - her name is Lucy and she's a weimaraner.  Beyond that, I don't really like dogs.

So pretty!  They are the
happiest flowers.

     

32. Favorite flower?  Gerbera daisy.  Or anything Earl picks for me.

 

33. Been caught doing something you weren't supposed to do?  Probably.  Actually, I'm often busted being on Twitter instead of writing my blog, so that counts.

                     

34. Have you ever loved someone?  YES!  I love lots of people.

           

35. Who would you like to see right now?  Tiffany.  Or Mamacita because I haven't seen her in person since she started showing and can't wait to see the baby bump.

           

36. Are you still friends with people from kindergarten?  Sort-of.  I should be in better touch with her, but I still talk to my friend Annie who was my best friend in elementary school.  We met in nursery school.

            

37. Have you ever fired a gun?  No.  I am very afraid of guns.  Earl thinks we should have one.  OPPete and Mamacita both know how to fire guns, and have some at their house.  I don't even like being in the same room in which they are stored.

       

38. Do you like to travel by plane?  I do, but usually my nicotine withdrawal and claustrophobia kick in about half-way through a flight and I get a bit grumpy.  But I really like the food on airplanes.  I like the single-serving aspect of everything.  Do they still serve food on planes?  It's been a while...

39. Right-handed or Left-handed?  Total righty.

My favourite tattoo.
(Not a great photo of my
leg, however...)

40. How many pillows do you sleep with?  There are six on the bed, but two get tossed at bedtime along with the quilt, and then I usually lose another during the night.  Earl sleeps on one and snuggles one.

           

41. Are you missing someone?  Sort-of, but not badly.  I miss my family when I don't see them for a while, nd I miss my friends Jess in Muskoka and Tiffany in Vancouver.   

  

42. Do you have a Tattoo?  Yes, I have four.  One on my back, one on each wrist, and one on my left leg.  It's my favourite.  It's a sketch done by my friend Reba.  I want to get one more to balance the symmetry.  My next tattoo will be a memorial tattoo on my right leg and will say "The rest is silence." with a list of initials and birth/death dates of people I've lost.  Bonus points if you can tell me the source of the quotation!   


     So...  that's me today.  If there are any other questions you are dying to know about me, feel free to ask in the 'Comments' section!  This post has been brought to you by MySpace, the year 2003, and the letter Z.

Travel.

      Earl and I are going to Montreal.  This is quite exciting for us, as:

A)  We have never gone on a trip together in our 3.5 yrs together AND

B)  The trip is a 40th birthday gift from my wonderful Mom and Dad. 

I was told in December that I was receiving this gift, and it has taken us this long to figure out where we wanted to go - I think in part because it's so fun to consider options.  We ran through a number of these, including New Orleans for the Jazz Festival (too expensive); San Francisco (too far); New York (too fancy); and the Ptbo Otonabee Best Western (too sad, really).  I'm really looking forward to Montreal this spring!  I'm sure I'll blog about it when we get back.

The most magical sight to a 6 yr old.

     I've been lucky enough to do some pretty great travelling in my life.  That's not to say that I'm one of those "spent six months in Paris, lived on a beach in Thailand for a winter" kind of people, but my parents love travel, and thought it was an important experience to share with and give to their daughters. My first plane trip was to Florida.  My Nana and Papa had a winter place in Vero Beach, and every two years from the time I was about 6 until I was in my mid-teens we would travel to visit them over March Break.  These trips were almost always in combination with visits to the Orlando area, particularly Disney World.  My Mom tells the story of little me getting off the plane in Florida, being excited we were in the 'nited States so I could say 'zee' instead of 'zed'.  (The lack of perfect rhyme at the conclusion of the 'ABCs' song when sung with the Canadian pronunciation really threw me off, apparently.)  

Heidelberg, Germany
(first trip overseas, age 16)

     When I was in Grade 10, I took German as one of my electives.  I can't remember why - I think it might have been offered in the same block as phys-Ed.  I'm not very good at languages, but I'm really horrible at phys-ed.  Anyway, a year later in French class I noticed one of the girls was writing to a pen-pal (okay - I'm totally dating myself here because she didn't have a pen-pal as an ironic thing, this was in an era where people wrote real letters).  I asked her to ask her pen-pal, who lived in Germany, to hook me up with my own German friend.  She did, and I met Susannah through letters, and when I told her I wished I was better at speaking German, she invited me to come over to stay with her family for a month in exchange for letting her stay with mine for the following month.  That's more or less how I got to go to Germany. 

Sydney, Australia
(Sis and I went together, age 17)

      The year after I got the German pen-pal, my family had an Australian exchange student, Tatia, stay with us through Rotary International.  Some of her family even came over and celebrated Christmas with my family (I say 'some' because she had, like, a million brothers and sisters.  They were kind-of like the Australian Mormon Duggars), and for Christmas that year Sis and I were given the gift of flights and spending money to go and stay with Tatia's family for a month.  Australia was awesome.  The flight wasn't.  Neither was the fact that one of my strongest lingering memories of the trip is of Sis slowly and systematically convincing me that I have a huge nose.  I don't, really, but she played with my head on that trip.  I'd like to go back one day, but there are also so many other places I'd like to go.

The Baths on Virgin Gorda, BVI
(family trip, early 20s)

     I've travelled to the Caribbean twice with my family; the first was a trip to Aruba with my immediate family (Sis, Mamacita, Mom and Dad) when I was about 20.  It was my first experience with an all-inclusive resort.  I remember spending New Year,s sitting at the bar with Sis (who was underage in Canada) eating ice cream (because we could) and drinking some kind of alcohol that the bartender, whose name escapes me but I bet she remembers, kept serving us.  (In case you read yesterday's blog and are intrigued by my ability to remember when I was wearing on a given occasion, the answer is a black tank top and hideous multi-colour flowy overalls.  The print was modernist fruit slices.  God. The early 90s were worse than the 80s.)  The second Caribbean trip was to the BVIs and included the usual family cast, along with Sis' now-husband who I shall call... Mark, my former fiancee (that's another post entirely), and Mamacita's trashy friend who I'll call Amber.  We rented a beautiful 50 ft yacht and cruised the various islands.  It was an amazing trip - one of my favourite ever.  I snorkled with sea turtles and ate in beach shacks and lived on a fancy boat.  So sweet.

Never thoght I'd love the desert, but
Utah is amazing!
(several school trips, early 30s)

      I've also been lucky enough to travel around North and Central America on a variety of trips footed by schools for which I've worked.  I've taken students to BC skiing (I don't really ski myself, but really wanted to see the mountains so proposed the trip and it got approved.  In order to say I had done so however, I did make a day of the bunny hill at both Kicking Horse and Fernie.); Utah mountain biking and rappelling (both of which I actually do enjoy doing); and Costa Rica on a multi-sport adventure. The Utah trips were actually cross-US roadtrips (I count in my list of achievements having piloted a GMC Savannah (15 passenger) full of teenagers 10,000km back and forth across the US 3 times without incident.  Unless you count one flat tire in Iowa.)  On these trips some other highlights included the Grand Canyon, Four Corners, the Cowboy Hall of Fame in Oklahoma, the Chicago Aquarium, skiing at Vail, and travelling to Roswell, NM.  So random, and so fun - even with teenagers as your travel companions.  Actually, sometimes that made it more fun.

Costa Rica
(another school trip, early 30s)

     The other school trip I loved was a multi-sport adventure in Costa Rica.  We camped and rafted on a river, stayed in hammocks on a hippie commune so remote one could only get there by sea kayaking or hiking in, visited volcanoes and sloth sanctuaries and nature preserves and incredible beaches.  That's somewhere I MUST return to without students.  Too many chances for them to get in trouble for me to fully enjoy myself the first time!  Combined with the fact that George Bush declared war on Iraq WHILE we were in Costa Rica - with return flights through Atlanta - which I had to learn by reading the lips of the CNN anchors behind the Spanish overdub in one of the hostels in which we stayed - I was a bit of a nervous wreck on that trip but enjoyed it all the same.

     These are all of the major travel destinations I've visited.  I know I'm lucky.  I know some are luckier than me.  I know that currently I use the internet, my parents' experiences (they're off somewhere new all the time.  Next month?  Cambodia and Vietnam.  They're an incredible couple, my folks!), travel literature and The Amazing Race to satiate any desire for global travel, and that one day I might visit the places I dream of - and I might not.  But right now I can't wait to plan a fabulous Montreal trip with Earl, and share the incredible experience of travel with him for the first time.

Time.

     I am the biggest procrastinator.  If left to my own devices, I can find a hundred quick and easy ways to kill an afternoon, generally without leaving the house.  Some of my favourite ways to "kill time" include the following: reading books (for the past few months I have not been able to get enough of the detective/mystery genre); watching back episodes of reality TV shows like Amazing Race and Top Chef; puttering around on the internet (okay, I'll admit it, really just Twitter, with an odd visit to various job sites and the Kijiji free list); baking (I should qualify this too - recently I found a great recipe for peanut butter cookies on the back of a jar of Jif, and now Earl and I have become 'cookie snobs', refusing to buy store-bought, and since we eat about half a batch at once, I could make cookies every day.  And since I bought bananas - which Earl hates - and let half of them go brown, I need to learn how to make muffins too before the bananas completely rot!); talking to my sister, Mamacita, via text while she's at work; talking to my Mom on the phone (while my Nana was sick recently I spoke to my Mom every day, and I feel a bit of withdrawal having not spoken to her in about 48 hours); petting my cat Turkey (which I could literally do for hours, and I think he'd be okay with that too!); listening to music (which, since our only method of playing music is vinyl, is a far more interactive activity than you might think - always switching sides and tidying inserts and finding the right sleeves, etc.); and tidying (not cleaning - I don't like that so much - but I do love to tidy.  On Saturday while Earl was in the city I spent the day catching up on Top Chef and folding every article of clothing in the house.  For fun.).

How could you NOT want to snuggle
with this kitty all day?

At least I don't play Smurf Village on my iPhone anymore.

     And then I realize how much time has passed, and I get freaked out because there are always things I should be doing instead.  Serious job searching like making calls and connections and doing research; doing work for my new course (none of my classmates have posted our first real assignment yet, so I think I'm in good company here, although I believe the rest of them are gainfully employed!); doing more to promote Earl's artwork and find him new audiences and apply to upcoming shows; actually cleaning the house and doing dishes instead of just doing the jobs I like, like laundry - and tidying; and exercising (I know - to some people this is a procrastinatory activity, but since I don't like it, I put it in the 'things I feel guilty about NOT spending my time doing' category).  I'm sure there are more things to go  on that list, but I think I've blocked them in an attempt to preserve my sanity.

Wouldn't YOU rather listen to, and
tidy up, these records rather than
write a cover letter for a job you're
sure you won't get?

     And so, I procrastinate, and then something happens and I get sick or don't sleep well or someone drops by and the "later" time in which I had planned to get something done disappears.  And then I'm screwed.

     Time is a funny thing.  Sometimes we have too much, or it goes too slowly (think waiting rooms, time spent in transit or lines, waiting for a delicious-smelling dinner to be ready, or that horrible 2-3am "I'm the only one awake in the world" time).  Sometimes it totally flies (time spent with friends, or while racing to meet a deadline, or on Twitter).  I realized today that Earl and I have now been living in Peterborough for six months.  I feel like we just got here, but at the same time, I feel like we've been here forever.  It was totally bizarre to me to realize when my old friend got in touch earlier this week that it had literally been 20 years since we last spoke.  We weren't even 20 years old at that time!  It's been a whole lifetime since I spoke to her, but remember time we spent together so clearly.  One memory in particular - Grade 11, skipping class (which I can honestly say we did not do very often, in fact I think we only did it this once and we definitely got caught), we went to the grocery store (I think it was the first time I'd gone to the grocery store without my Mom and I felt QUITE grown up) to buy licorice and green grapes and chocolate Hagen Daaz and we took them to the park and sat on the big old steps and smoked cigarettes, ate, and wondered what one did with oneself when one skipped school.  (Now you know what a loser I was in high school.)  How can I remember this so well?  (I even remember what I was wearing, which would not surprise my family as it's a bit of a weird thing I do - they name the event, I can tell you what I wore.  First day of grade 9? Faded skinny jeans (not cool ones like today, but high-waisted with no back pockets), pink, purple and turquoise plaid shirt with a long shirttail, Bass Weejuns.  Nanny's funeral?  Black v-neck sweater, pinstriped pencil skirt in black and charcoal, high-heeled patent leather Mary-janes.  Day my niece TT was born?  Brown hooded sweater, khakis, brown, blue and orange striped socks with a hole in one toe, slip-on Merrill approach shoes.  The day my friend and I skipped school?  Black tights with rips OVER which I wore white lace tights with rips, a short grey and black circle skirt with crinoline, black t-shirt, black slouchy socks, Doc Martin 8-hole boots with green daisy laces.)          

So many books, so little time.

     They say the older you get, the faster time goes.  This is scary, and true.  Afternoons are lifetimes as children.  Weeks are seconds as adults.  How does this work?  And what must it be like to be 80, if time is moving so fast for me at 40?

     Oh shit - I just realized I have to wake Earl up from his nap and drive him to an appointment, come back, shower, and get to a meeting myself.  Gotta run.  Where DOES the time go?

School.

     Today I am going back to school.  I'm not literally going anywhere, as I'm sitting here in my jammies in front of the computer, but today I am starting a new online Additional Qualification  course for teachers in the area of Special Education.  Anyone who's been following might remember a few weeks ago I was debating what I wanted to be when I grow up (see Jan 17th's post titled Jobs.).  I continue to meet with employment counsellors to see if teaching is maybe not the only thing I'm good at, but I do know I love teaching so want to maintain and upgrade those skills in my time away from the profession.  I also really love school, so the chance to go back, even online, is really exciting for me.

My $150 investment...

     

     So last week, because I'm a keener, I went out to buy the textbook.  A bit shocked to see the $150 price tag, but a justifiable expense, nonetheless. I suppose. I tried not to let it daunt me, or make a loud gasping noise when I saw the price at any rate.  Then today I woke up early (who doesn't, on the first day of school?), did NOT have to think about what I would wear (they should list this in the benefits of online education), and sat down at the computer.  I got logged in, but the command I was instructed to look for did not appear on my screen.  A quick call to the IT department determined that I was a special case. (SIDE NOTE: I have noticed that I frequently AM a special case in matters like these.  One time, at my first teaching job, the marks program kept refusing to accept my name as a login.  It even baffled the IT director and office manager.  Turns out my last name, which I choose not to share with you at this point, even though most of my readers know who I am and are related to me, is a computer-related word and was not an acceptable login due to its implications.  I had to go with 'Smith' instead.) The 'specialness' in today's case was due to the fact that I was RE-enrolling at Trent (after graduating in 1996!) and that made me 'complicated'.  Now, I've been called 'complicated' before, but not for this reason.  In 1993, when I first enrolled at Trent, there was barely intenet let alone online course delivery, so I'm not sure what the difficulty was, but regardless, they told me to try again in an hour and an hour later it worked.  I was logged in and ready to begin!

     If you haven't taken an online course before (this is my second), they are generally set up in weekly modules - a certain amount of work to be done over the course of the week to allow for flexibility.  Module 1 for my new course consists of an introduction, commenting on someone else's introduction, and completing a web-based search for information.  I've finished the first two parts, and am excited to work on the third, but I need to pace myself - don't want to be seen as "the keener" because even adults don't appreciate that trait in classmates - at least, I don't.  So the web search will happen tomorrow.

This is me in Grade 9, baby!

     All of this has me hearkening back to my earlier school days.  Recently I was looking at old yearbooks with Havoc and Maman, our next-door friends, who are about 15 years younger than I am.  They were laughing at the 1985ness of it all, but it reminded me of who I am as a student, after thinking of myself as a teacher for so long.  (I think teachers make the WORST students.  We're used to being listened to, rather than listening.  This is what makes most PD so painful.)  And interestingly, I got a Linkedin message just this morning from the girl who was my best friend in the universe from grades 9-11, and who I have not heard from in literally 20 years.  I'm glad to know she's not a heroin-addicted prostitute, which is what I worried she'd become after our last visit in 1991.  Instead she's a bookkeeper.  People can sure surprise you!

     ANYWAY, I'm pretty excited about this new course.  I'm going to continue to pursue teaching as an area of employment, along with surveying the rest of my options with my employment counsellor, to 'keep my options open', but in the meantime, I'm hittin' the books - or, errr, the web?  Hope we get to use the textbook enough to validate its $150 price tag!  Now leave me alone.  I'm doing homework.

 

Mortality.

     Today's post is, I suppose, a bit more serious than the last few.  (As much as I love shoes, I also have a deeper side...)  Today I'm thinking about mortality - not mine, necessarily, but mortality in general.  There are, as always, a few reasons as to why I'm thinking about this topic today.  I have received some sad news in the last little while.  One piece of news is that my Nana is in hospital, and while she is stable, it's still scary to know someone you love (even one who might frustrate you sometimes) is hurting and scared.  Her husband, my Papa, is also living with cancer and although he is doing fairly well, 'fairly well' is a relative term when it comes to lung cancer.

     I also learned yesterday that my parents' friends' 17 year old grandson was killed yesterday in a car accident.  He and some buddies were cruising around after finishing their final exams and ran a stop sign and he was killed instantly.  I don't know the details, but assume there might have been alcohol or drugs involved in the post-exam celebration.  As a high school teacher, I often woke up fearful (especially post-exams and post-last day of school) that one of my students had made a poor choice the night before resulting in death.  It has happened to me only once - one of my grade 11 students was killed in a car accident the night his hockey team won provincial finals.  His empty chair in my classroom the next morning has haunted me since.

My "GG" - Ethel Mae 

     I've been quite lucky in my life.  I have lost very few of the people close to me.  My GG (short for great-grandmother) was the first of my older relatives to pass on.  She died at the age of 91 in 1999, when I was in my late 20s.  I was sad to lose her, but it was not unexpected.  My real sadness came in the fact that I couldn't attend her funeral as I was living on the east coast and was scheduled to be moving home a few days later and it didn't make sense to pay to change the ticket.  GG was quite a character, and she lived a long, full life.  She is remembered by me for her collection of Red Rose figurines, her candy dish, the smell of her apartment, her nanaimo bars, her hatred of photos (the one at left is the only one I have), and her pride in her appearance.  GG wore a wig, but I only saw her once without it, and even when she moved into the nursing home, she always wore a blouse and skirt (with a hankie tucked up the sleeve of her blouse).

My Nanny - Hannah Jean

     My Nanny was the next to go.  She passed away on December 22, 2007 after a series of illnesses that left her physically and mentally frustrated.  Her death definitely had a greater impact on me, as my Nanny and I had had a very special relationship.  I was her first grandchild, and she loved me best (my sisters and cousins might dispute that, but Nanny and I know it's true).  In preparation for this post I went back through old emails and found a series of memories my middle sister (Sis) and I shared back and forth when Nanny died.  Here are some of my favourites:

• Making chocolate chip cookies (and being allowed to make a super giant “big Fred” cookie with the last remaining batter)
• Drying our hair by the vent on the kitchen floor so we wouldn’t go to bed with wet hair
• Playing dress-up with the old clothes in the attic
• Using the grinder to make homemade breadcrumbs
• Planting and picking pansies in her backyard garden
• Listening to Nanny ask if everyone had a drink and if the potatoes were on as she was on the stretcher going into to heart surgery
• Nanny arriving to the hospital with pink bunny ears on the day her 1^st  great grandchild was born
• spinning in the chair in her back room 'til we wanted to throw up
• Nanny teaching me to use her sewing machine so I could taper my jeans to within an inch of their lives 
• watching her take out her teeth to brush them, and the toothpaste roller in her bathroom
• Nanny giving backrubs and falling asleep at the foot of one of our beds when she was waiting for US to fall asleep
• sitting on the front porch in the summer
• the way she'd always pour the apple juice from the tin into a pitcher
• the way her basement smelled

I miss my Nanny, but know she is in a better place than she was in her last months on earth.   She is now with her god, and both of the husbands she lost while she was alive, and I believe she has been able to resume both the physical and mental strength that had abandoned her towards the end.  I know we'll meet again. 

Me and my friend David

  

     The first time I lost someone who wasn't an aging relative I was in my early 30s.  I was teaching in Muskoka and was very good friends with one of my co-workers, an incredibly smart and funny man named David.  David and I were both single, but never dated (he was too short for me and my ass was too small for his liking, we'd joke).  Working at a small boarding school in a rural environment meant that we didn't have a lot of social outlets, but we spent many evenings and weekend afternoons hanging out, debating politics and books, drinkin' and smokin' and debriefin' from our crazy jobs, and talking about the love of his life - his sailboat - and all of the wonderful trips during which he had sailed her.  One spring, upon return from a March Break trip to Cuba, David was complaining that his liver hurt.  He chalked it up to the amount of rum he'd drunk while he was away, but went to get it checked anyway.  He very quickly learned that he had secondary liver cancer (he actually learned this news the same day as the funeral for the student I referred to in the first paragraph), and the doctors couldn't find the primary source, making treatment very difficult.  David lived through that summer, but died just as it was turning to fall.  Here is the email I sent to notify my friends and family of his passing:

Most of you knew, or at least had heard of, my friend David.
David died this morning.  It was not unexpected, as he's been battling cancer and of late the cancer was winning.
I am trying not to fall apart over the loss of my best friend.  
Last week he was really scared and struggling with how he wanted to spend his remaining time - taking the drugs that might keep him alive, or enjoying the time he had left.  When I asked David what he wanted to do, he replied "I want to get on my boat and sail away". 
I wish you great winds, clear skies, and happy sails, David.  I love you.

David's sailboat on
Georgian Bay

David was my first friend to die.  He was a bit older than me, but not so much so that I did not feel the echo of my own mortality.  This was fascinating for me.  I was facing the fact that not only did old people die, but young people did too, and tragically, and millions of lives were affected daily by death and yet the world just keeps on spinning.  I would die, my sisters would die, my parents (gasp!) would die, and everyone I knew and loved and didn't love would one day die.  An obvious statement, I know, and one that many people realize when they are much younger than I was, but I think this recognition of mortality is one of the things that make us "grow up" - regardless of when it happens.

     So I didn't intend to bum anyone out today (that is, if anyone is still reading - I know this post is a long one), but this is what I was thinking about and I wanted to share my thoughts.  So to GG and Nanny and David - I miss and love you and you're always in my thoughts. To my Nana and Papa - take good care, be strong, and know you're surrounded by those who love you. And to John and Heather who lost their grandson this week and to anyone else who has lost someone recently or has a critically ill friend or family member - my heart is with you.