Age.

     Several things have conspired recently to gently remind me that I'm getting old.
     I suppose the first of these things is turning "that age".  Yup, rolled over to the big 4-0 very recently.  Remarkably, I'm totally okay with it.  35 was tough.  That's when you move from the 18-34 demographic into the 35-49 demographic.  That move, from being grouped with teenagers to being grouped with empty-nesters, freaked me out far more than turning 40 did.  But the really interesting thing is feeling wiser and more comfortable with myself as I grow older - I wouldn't go back to being a teenager for a million dollars.  The years I spent in high school were not the best years of my life, and if yours were, I feel really sorry for you.
     Now, this is not to say that I look better, or am in better shape than I was then (80s hairstyles not withstanding).  But I worry so much less about those things now.  In fact, my early 30s weight gain actually gave me decent boobs for the first time in my life, so I consider my squishy tummy the price I needed to pay for those - better than going without a soul, which I'm sure I offered to the devil in exchange for boobs when I was younger.  I'm even contemplating ceasing dying my hair, which is pure grey on top, in an embrace of the age that I am.


     When I was in university my favourite T-shirt said, "You are all of the ages you have ever been".  I liked it then because I lived in fear of adult culture, and wanted to hold on to my younger self.  I wish I still had that shirt (I think I left it behind when I called off an engagement in my late 20s), but what I like about it now is very different from what I liked about it then.  I now look back at my younger self, sometimes in awe and sometimes in fits of giggles and sometimes in tears, and it's interesting to think about all of the things that shape us into our eventual selves - which I feel we only truly become at the moment of our deaths.  Until then we are growing and learning and changing and anyone who thinks they are "all growed up" by 16 or 21 or even 30 is CRAZY.  Why would you want to stop moving forward and remain static?
     And speaking of my university days reminds me of a few of the other things that prove to me me that I'm getting up there in age.  Yesterday it was announced that Peterborough's Trasheteria (a bar) is closing after 18 years in operation.  I was a student at Trent when it opened.  I was probably one of the first 100 people through its doors.  If I had gotten pregnant when the Trash first opened I would now have a child graduating from high school.  (As a sidenote, I wonder how many people HAVE gotten pregnant after a night at the Trash?)
     Another reminder came when I saw my old Resident Don in downtown Ptbo recently.  She recognized me (much to my "I've gained 35lbs and have totally different hair" surprise!) and we had a quick catch-up.  I remember babysitting this woman's first son, Jordi, while she was giving birth to her second, Scott.  To contextualize, The Lion King had just come out on VHS and 2 1/2 year-old Jordi and I watched it about 3 times that night.  I remember it so vividly.  Jordi is now in his first year of university and Scott is in Grade 11.  Holy crow, time flies.  I still have shoes I wore then!  (Is this where I make a bad joke about things coming back into fashion?)
     And something else that serves to remind me that time is a continuously-moving river are the announcements being made by record labels - This past spring was the 20th anniversary of the release of Nirvana's Nevermind.  Today is the 20th anniversary of Tori Amos' Little Earthquakes.  I still listen to and enjoy these albums!  Does this make them "classic rock"?  Sigh.


     At any rate, I think as long as one lives a fulfilling life, finds love in some form, holds on to family, continually strives for new experiences and challenges, and is constantly learning, (to quote a bad T-shirt I see far too frequently) age is just a number, and if you let it hold you back, or it causes you to make judgements, then it's your problem, and your loss.